It’s the countdown to my birthday on November 9th, aka National Chachi Day! (hey, it’s no more made up than Valentine’s Day or Kwanza) When you get older you kind of wish you had infinite lives like you could get on the old Contra Nintendo game. All you had to press was Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start.
Since all of you are celebrating National Chachi Day too and need gift ideas, here is a list of the Top 20 Things I want for my birthday.
For my 2009 birthday, I want…
- To fight for my country and spend the rest of my life in a Fox hole.
- To not crave Chick-Fil-A ONLY on Sundays.
- To not be asked if I want a bag when I buy my lunch from a convenience store. I'm buying a sub, a drink, chips and a candy bar. Of course I want a damn bag! What do they think I want to juggle all those items out of the store?
- For singers today to write meaningful lyrics instead of simply pulling random words out of their ass. Seriously, Miley Cyrus…“It’s a party in the USA”? Next time it may be better to poke out your eyes, open a dictionary and randomly point your finger at words.
- To get Jessie Spano off of caffeine pills so that she can study and finally get into Stanford.
- For me to stop bleeding purple. I know I’m a Ravens fan but the doctor said healthy blood is actually supposed to be red.
- For someone to explain to me why the Kardashians are famous. First, their father got OJ off of double murder. Then, Kim banged a D-level rapper on video. Now, Khloe married a guy after only knowing him for 4 weeks. Hmmmm, I guess I just answered my own question.
- For God to give me the strength to not punch the next person in the face that leaves a Facebook status of “I gotta feeling that tonight’s gonna be a good good night”.
- For a bar to once not play “Don't Stop Believing” by Journey. The group had like 20 great songs. Let’s mix it up a little.
- For Balloon Boy’s father to get gang raped by a pack of balloon animals for lying.
- To meet Lady Gaga and have my disco stick poker face.
- To stop hearing about all this depressing swine flu news and get back to hearing about fun diseases such as the HIV.
- To be able to time travel so my future self could came back to stop me from ever accidentally watching The Hills.
- For no one to see Kayne West’s concerts or buy his records so that no gold diggers mess with him.
- To help Ms. Pac-Man get over her bulimia. Come on, you know she makes herself throw up. All those power pellets and she keeps that hot figure? I’m not buying it.
- To finally find both Osama bin Laden and Waldo.
- To beat the person who ruined the ending of the Michael Jackson “This Is It” movie. Bastard! I had no idea he died at the end!
- To meet someone original enough to say the word “Vegas” WITHOUT having to say “Baby” right after it. I would also love to meet someone who doesn’t use it in the phrase “What happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas” like they are the first person to ever say that.
- To have Paula Abdul come back to American Idol. Ellen Degeneres has no right to judge a singing contest. She should judge something she knows…like a pie eating contest, if you know what I mean.
- To become rich enough to never have to shop at Wal-Mart again…or if I do it would be only to make fun of people who are beneath me.
Well, those are the Top 20 things that I want for my birthday. I am registered at Assholes R US. Make sure you check the list so that I don’t end up getting 20 of the same explanations from different people on "why the Kardashians are famous".
Have fun celebrating National Chachi Day!
|<< The Top 20 Things I want for my 2010 Birthday aka National Chachi Day!||Goodbye King of Pop: Chachi’s Top 10 Michael Jackson Related Videos You May Have Missed >>|