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Flex's Rockstar Rant

Charlie Sheen is a Saint

two and a half men

So, I didn’t really feel too passionate about writing a rant this week…wasn’t sure if I’d do one…then, Charlie Sheen came to the rescue. And, believe it or not, I’m actually going to defend him a little bit…just a little bit.

So, Charlie, as we all know, has his demons, living the part of a real life Julian Wells (aka Robert Downey, Jr. in Less Than Zero for you 80s fanatics). However, in the latest installment of the drama/comedy/rehab facility known as Two and a Half Men, it’s Warner Brothers and CBS who are causing quite a stir by calling for a work stoppage of sorts by canceling four of the final eight episodes.

You see, the Two and a Half Men crew is not getting paid for the down time during Charlie’s rehab. Wake up, kids, everyone that works deals with potential issues that could leave us jobless, particularly in this pathetic economy. Fortunately, King Hussein is on the job and he is focused like a laser on jobs and the economy now. I won’t hold my breath and neither should you.

In the meantime, Charlie decided to step it up. He stated that he’d work all the necessary overtime to complete the four missing episodes, and he offered to pay 1/3 of the crew salaries for the down time, if CBS and Warner Brothers ponied up 1/3 each. That’s quite an offer from old Charlie.

Now, I’m not saying Charlie is suddenly a saint, because he ain’t. However, I say that CBS and Warner Bros share some blame for the down time, as well. Seriously, what company ties their financial future to a guy who regularly cavorts with hookers, thinks that an ongoing relationship with crack cocaine is good if you can manage it socially (since being sober is boring), and likes to destroy private property that belongs to others. This guy has had more lives than Nikki Sixx. Ah, yeah, this is a guy I’m investing in at 2.5 million an episode. Basically, CBS and Warner made a deal with the devil, and prior to and throughout this fiasco, they kept their fingers crossed so that they could continue to cash in on a poorly written sitcom that somehow manages to be a ratings and financial winner, compliments of a viewing public that seeks mediocrity over quality, more often than not.

In closing, pin this on Charlie, but don’t leave Warner and CBS out of the blame game, they are just as culpable.

I’m Flex and I’m Right.


The Bad Wife, McVeigh, and Palin

Some of you may have heard about this, but most probably haven’t. This is about the CBS TV series, The Good Wife. Now, let me preface this by saying that I have never watched the show, so understand that this is NOT a review of the show, or a critique of the premise or plot, or even a complaint about the fact that this show is another in a series of garbage legal shows that permeate the American TV landscape while making men and boys look weak and abysmal, and women and girls look strong and flawless…blah, blah, blah…an overplayed shtick that liberals can’t get enough of.

Nope, this rant is about one thing, the name of a character on the show…Kurt McVeigh, who is played by Gary Cole, famous in my mind for his portrayal of Bill Lumbergh in the Mike Judge classic, Office Space. Normally, a name like Kurt McVeigh might not jump out at you, but in this case, the character name is NO coincidence. You see, the Kurt McVeigh character is a conservative Sarah Palin and tea party supporter, who just happens to share a last name with a domestic terrorist convicted and executed for murdering 168 people in Oklahoma City in 1995.

Kurt McVeigh played by Gary Cole
Timothy McVeigh

CBS has a history of Palin bashing and has helped, along with the rest of the mainstream media in increasing Palin Derangement Syndrome, or PDS, among the Hussein voters in this country. PDS was originally coined by Michelle Malkin of HotAir and basically describes how mindless people figuratively froth at the mere mention of Sarah Palin’s name. They feel so threatened by this woman that their hatred takes over and they become deranged. Don’t believe me? Look up Sarah Palin at the Huffington Post or Daily Kos and have some fun. In fact, check out the unedited video (at end of post) of Katie Couric symbolically frothing and literally mocking the then Governor of Alaska.

In the words of Matthew Vadum, the senior editor at the Capital Research Center in Washington, DC, “Calling a character ‘Kurt McVeigh’ conjures up unmistakable images of [a] mass murdering terrorist. Hollywood screenwriters don’t live in a cultural vacuum; they help to create American culture. They had to have known that making the character a conservative with a fondness for Sarah Palin was a clever way to take a jab at the former Alaska governor.”

Well, in typical network TV fashion, the executives were out in full force to cover for the CBS attack on Sarah Palin, conservatives, tea party supporters, patriots, and all real Americans who believe in life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness…three axioms that don’t jive with liberals.

The show’s executive producer and co-creator, Robert King, said, “The Kurt McVeigh character was introduced mid-season our first year, and at that time, he was given a name that was intended to play into the anti-conservative prejudices of the more liberal [character on the show].” There, he fully acknowledged the attempt to negatively characterize in contrast to the leading lady.

Well, at least they concede that fact, but why use the last name McVeigh? They could easily have used plenty of names to summon nasty thoughts, like Rush or Coulter, right? The use of McVeigh served the purpose for the left, and that’s that.

Now, as I stated earlier, I have yet to watch the show and the content of the show was not part of this rant. I will give the show a try, and if I feel that I misrepresented their intentions in anyway, I will return to this topic and give the show its proper credit, but until then, I’ll stick by the words of Hollywood publicist Angie Meyer, who said, “If Hollywood wants to play with politics, and create a character using the same surname as an abhorrent terrorist – then CBS has just slapped the face of each one of the Oklahoma City victims, and their loved ones.” Congratulations, CBS, hope the show is worth it.

I’m Flex and I’m right…and I’ve got goosebumps.


Super Bowl XLV Halftime Show

I’m sure you’ve had enough of Super Bowl chatter by now, with the two weeks leading up to the game, the game itself, the parties and bars, next day hangovers, and calling in sick, right? Well, I felt the need to throw one last Super Bowl XLV rant at ya. My regular listeners and readers should know where I’m going with this, given the fact that I routinely deride the one known simply as Fergie.

With that said, I introduce my Super Bowl XLV Halftime rant!

For starters, we all knew that I wasn’t going into the halftime show with an open mind, but I attempted, for the sake of the show, to be slightly open minded at the beginning of the Black Eyed Peas performance. SIKE, that’s a lie. I can’t stand them, and I knew what to expect. And, from that perspective, they didn’t let me down. They were…in one word…MISERABLE.

Is that my bias showing? Perhaps, but I don’t think I’m alone in my disdain for their performance. Don’t believe me? Try your favorite search engine and read a few reviews, it’s a lot fun when you were waiting for the Peas to fail.

Where should I start?!?! How about the beginning with the Peas descending at snail’s pace from rafters? How original. Slash and Usher made better entrances and they were only there to accent the main act.

And what’s with the Tron meets Kiss lovebaby costumes. Is that the best they could do? Someone PLEASE make Fergie wear pants. I was worried her balls were gonna fall out, but I guess she has cryptorchidism, where the testicles don’t drop at birth. I kept thinking to myself, “Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day, Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!”

Let me tell you something, the Split Peas could have the most amazing costumes in the world, and nothing is going to change the fact that they’re attractively-challenged. Seriously, could there be an uglier foursome?

From the get go, these pseudo-entertainers (YES, I love prefacing a word with pseudo, when necessary, so get used to it), these pseudo-entertainers looked like Dirk Diggler or the Tin Man, whichever paints a better picture for you.

On top of the stiffness, there wasn’t any energy…unless you count the flashing lights on the chest of the long-haired dude. I’ve seen documentaries on three-toed sloths with more enthusiasm than those four plastic passion-less wannabe entertainers.

The best part for me was when Slash came out of the ground, but, within seconds, he saw his shadow and left. For a second, <PAUSE…read this part SLOWLY and SOFTLY for effect> I thought perhaps this was the greatest coup ever, and Axl was going to save the underwhelming Peas with a GnR reunion, but then I remembered, this is Roger Goodell and the NFL, the No Fun League. Na-E-NaNa-Ja, not gonna happen here. Oh, and was Axl ever needed, even Axl 20-11, because Fergie was butchering Sweet Child. If she pulled that on American Idol, she wouldn’t have made it to Hollywood. “Yo, that was pitchy, Dog.”

And don’t get me started with the trendy auto-tune vocals. What a bunch of hacks masquerading as singers/rappers. If William needed that kind of help, he should look into a career change. The stuff they pretend to sing doesn’t require great vocals since they have studio help. And, if the Peas have access to auto-tuners, why wasn’t Fergie using one?

What else? I could berate the lyrical change to appeal to the King Hussein hope and change voters, but I really don’t want a headache, so I’ll let it go.

Some might say I’m ranting about Fergie and her Peas out of jealousy. Give it a rest, Joaquin. Would I sell out like the Peas? Hell yeah, in a New York minute. But the fact is, they did (and always have been), and I haven’t. They’ve got the cash, I don’t. And, in the meantime, they’re in the public eye, which allows the public, including me, to scrutinize them.

Here’s a question. Do you think the Peas will look back at this performance ten, fifteen, or twenty years from now and realize how ridiculous they looked and sounded? Me, I’m thinking probably not, especially with their egos. But then again, look at me, I’ve got nothing better to do on than rant for free, while the Peas are cashing in on a dumbed-down listening public, always eager to drop coin on talentless noise hucksters. Who’s the idiot?

Well, I’m outta breath, and I haven’t even mentioned Christina’s Aguilera yet! Save that for another time.

I’m Flex…and I’m right.


The Pixie Princess

I provided this rant on the BTB radio show on May 5, 2010. I enjoyed it and since American Idol is heating up again, I thought I’d add this rant to the website. Please remember that the content was current in May 2010, and it may seem a bit out of place now; put it in historical context!

On with the rant…

Alright, so if you’re a regular listener, you probably know that I have never been a fan of American Idol despite my mother and sister, who both love the show immensely. I find the target demographic extremely annoying. I mean, how long can you put up with the shrill screams of those obnoxious, teeny bopper, Ashley Simpson wanna-bees whose tight pants look more like a slip n’ slide in front of theater showing High School Musical for a dollar a show? Right?

However, compliments of BP’s invitation for me to host the weekly BTB radio show, which pretty much forced me to watch Idol so that I sound somewhat credible when speaking about Idol on this show, I now watch it occasionally; although that doesn’t make me a fan. Sometimes I ponder…“do I watch because BP makes me watch it” OR is it because I simply find it to be a guilty pleasure?!?!  Well, the theory of occasional causation denies a link of efficient causation between mundane events. With that said, I honestly have no idea why I watch it now. As Kurt Vonnegut used to say, “so it goes.”

I think my disdain for American Idol has to do with the fact that I personally believe the show is scripted. Is that a conspiracy theory of mine? I wouldn’t call it that. It’s one of the most popular shows on TV over the past 5-7 years, and I truly believe that it didn’t get that way by leaving voting up to the American public, who can’t always be trusted. The American public has been known to make big mistakes when they get fixated on concepts like “Hope and Change”. Congratulations, America, you botched that one. Do you really think the producers of the most popular show on TV want you morons deciding on something as important as America’s next Idol. I certainly don’t think so.

So you’re asking yourself, Flex, do you honestly believe that Idol is scripted? Yes, I do. For instance, do you remember a few seasons ago when Simon and Ryan (yes, I’m using their first names like I know them, even though I don’t), do you remember when Simon and Ryan started bickering and Simon told Ryan to get out of the closet? Do you really think that was adlibbed? Seriously? If so, you have just redefined the term naiveté, which indicates that you have or show a lack of experience, understanding or, in particular, sophistication. American Idol is about entertainment, period. Entertainment includes action, conflict, drama, performance, and so on. That is what Simon and Ryan gave you, conflict and drama. Scripted…YES.

How about Adam Lambert not winning? Was America pissed? Well, a majority of the American public was convinced that Adam was the “hands down” winner, but when the so-called votes were tallied, Kris Allen was the Idol. Do you believe it? I don’t. However, with Adam contractually tied to the show, even as runner up, but not at the same level as Kris Allen, Adam probably has more freedom with his stage persona than he would have been granted as the winner. That is a win, win. Adam Lambert wins, as does American Idol since they cash in on his success, too. Scripted? I certainly think so.

Which brings me to the main reason I’m ranting about Idol tonight, my darling on the show, or my darling who was on the show until last Wednesday, my delicious and mystical little pixie princess who I truly believe does have magical wings that she hid from public view during her performances, Siobhan Magnus. In my opinion, Siobhan was easily the most talented of the Top 12 performers, with an amazing, mature voice for a girl of her age, along with composure way beyond her years, oozing with confidence that consistently shined when her vocal chords belted out hit after hit, but she only made it to the Top 6. Plus, her performance of Shania Twain’s “Any Man of Mine” to close the Top 6 show absolutely lit up the crowd; the judges seemed to agree. I stress that they “seemed to agree” because, prior to the Top 6, there were many conspiracy theories floating that the judges had it out for Siobhan. Perhaps they were setting up her apparent demise following her Top 6 performance. Maybe, maybe not.

siobhan magnus

I personally think the American Idol producers planned it that way.

And the Idol producers are very good at hand feeding the American public what it wants to feed them. The list of other Top 12 contestants that did NOT win but produced more than many of the winners includes: Chris Daughtry, Jennifer Hudson, and Adam Lambert. It should also be noted that Adam Lambert appeared on the cover of Rolling Stone before the winner of that season; however, as a musician, I will add that Rolling Stone is and always has been one of the least credible sources on music. Entertainment and lefty politics, yes. Music, no. The list of Idol winners that flopped includes Fantasia, Ruben Studdard, and Taylor Hicks.

What does that say? I’d say it means that winning American Idol does not always guarantee success. I think the producers of the show want America to beg for more of Siobhan. Her early dismissal may have turned the American public into a crack addict on a chain with the pipe and vile just out of reach, sweating and heaving and writhing and doing other unconscionable things to their bodies, just to get more of Siobhan.

You will get more, America, very soon. Please be patient. November 2, 2010, will be here soon enough. Your votes will count this time. I just HOPE you don’t let us down again!

I’m Flex and I’m right.


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