I provided this rant on the BTB radio show on May 5, 2010. I enjoyed it and since American Idol is heating up again, I thought I’d add this rant to the website. Please remember that the content was current in May 2010, and it may seem a bit out of place now; put it in historical context!
On with the rant…
Alright, so if you’re a regular listener, you probably know that I have never been a fan of American Idol despite my mother and sister, who both love the show immensely. I find the target demographic extremely annoying. I mean, how long can you put up with the shrill screams of those obnoxious, teeny bopper, Ashley Simpson wanna-bees whose tight pants look more like a slip n’ slide in front of theater showing High School Musical for a dollar a show? Right?
However, compliments of BP’s invitation for me to host the weekly BTB radio show, which pretty much forced me to watch Idol so that I sound somewhat credible when speaking about Idol on this show, I now watch it occasionally; although that doesn’t make me a fan. Sometimes I ponder…“do I watch because BP makes me watch it” OR is it because I simply find it to be a guilty pleasure?!?! Well, the theory of occasional causation denies a link of efficient causation between mundane events. With that said, I honestly have no idea why I watch it now. As Kurt Vonnegut used to say, “so it goes.”
I think my disdain for American Idol has to do with the fact that I personally believe the show is scripted. Is that a conspiracy theory of mine? I wouldn’t call it that. It’s one of the most popular shows on TV over the past 5-7 years, and I truly believe that it didn’t get that way by leaving voting up to the American public, who can’t always be trusted. The American public has been known to make big mistakes when they get fixated on concepts like “Hope and Change”. Congratulations, America, you botched that one. Do you really think the producers of the most popular show on TV want you morons deciding on something as important as America’s next Idol. I certainly don’t think so.
So you’re asking yourself, Flex, do you honestly believe that Idol is scripted? Yes, I do. For instance, do you remember a few seasons ago when Simon and Ryan (yes, I’m using their first names like I know them, even though I don’t), do you remember when Simon and Ryan started bickering and Simon told Ryan to get out of the closet? Do you really think that was adlibbed? Seriously? If so, you have just redefined the term naiveté, which indicates that you have or show a lack of experience, understanding or, in particular, sophistication. American Idol is about entertainment, period. Entertainment includes action, conflict, drama, performance, and so on. That is what Simon and Ryan gave you, conflict and drama. Scripted…YES.
How about Adam Lambert not winning? Was America pissed? Well, a majority of the American public was convinced that Adam was the “hands down” winner, but when the so-called votes were tallied, Kris Allen was the Idol. Do you believe it? I don’t. However, with Adam contractually tied to the show, even as runner up, but not at the same level as Kris Allen, Adam probably has more freedom with his stage persona than he would have been granted as the winner. That is a win, win. Adam Lambert wins, as does American Idol since they cash in on his success, too. Scripted? I certainly think so.
Which brings me to the main reason I’m ranting about Idol tonight, my darling on the show, or my darling who was on the show until last Wednesday, my delicious and mystical little pixie princess who I truly believe does have magical wings that she hid from public view during her performances, Siobhan Magnus. In my opinion, Siobhan was easily the most talented of the Top 12 performers, with an amazing, mature voice for a girl of her age, along with composure way beyond her years, oozing with confidence that consistently shined when her vocal chords belted out hit after hit, but she only made it to the Top 6. Plus, her performance of Shania Twain’s “Any Man of Mine” to close the Top 6 show absolutely lit up the crowd; the judges seemed to agree. I stress that they “seemed to agree” because, prior to the Top 6, there were many conspiracy theories floating that the judges had it out for Siobhan. Perhaps they were setting up her apparent demise following her Top 6 performance. Maybe, maybe not.
I personally think the American Idol producers planned it that way.
And the Idol producers are very good at hand feeding the American public what it wants to feed them. The list of other Top 12 contestants that did NOT win but produced more than many of the winners includes: Chris Daughtry, Jennifer Hudson, and Adam Lambert. It should also be noted that Adam Lambert appeared on the cover of Rolling Stone before the winner of that season; however, as a musician, I will add that Rolling Stone is and always has been one of the least credible sources on music. Entertainment and lefty politics, yes. Music, no. The list of Idol winners that flopped includes Fantasia, Ruben Studdard, and Taylor Hicks.
What does that say? I’d say it means that winning American Idol does not always guarantee success. I think the producers of the show want America to beg for more of Siobhan. Her early dismissal may have turned the American public into a crack addict on a chain with the pipe and vile just out of reach, sweating and heaving and writhing and doing other unconscionable things to their bodies, just to get more of Siobhan.
You will get more, America, very soon. Please be patient. November 2, 2010, will be here soon enough. Your votes will count this time. I just HOPE you don’t let us down again!
I’m Flex and I’m right.