WWE CHAMPIONSHIP
Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle vs. Big Show

If Big Show wins, I will be watching Fantasy Island repeats on Thursday nights for now on. That midget Tattoo was a hell of a lot more fun to watch than Big Shows matches. Look for Brock to keep the belt to set up a Brock/Angle rematch and Brocks eventual heel turn.

TAKER vs. JOHN CENA

Undertaker must feel very relieved that he now knows that he never really burned Kane’s face; it was all in Kane’s head. He must now sleep better at night. As for this match how bout a little rap?

Where’s Paul Bearer when you need him?
If Chuck and Billy were in the navy they would be seamen.
Triple H is turning Stephanie into Chyna
Pretty soon, she will have no vagina
Taker’s so old soon “Dead Man” will not just be a gimmick
As for this match, look for Cena to win it!
Whored Life!

STEPHANIE vs. SABLE

Vince has an interest in this match since he bought both women implants. If anything pops, he could be out thousands of dollars. Look for Sable to win although is will be interesting to see if she can Sablebomb someone so heavy.

VINCE vs. ZACH GOWEN

I don’t think there is anyway that Vince can win after making fun of Zach for a couple of months for losing his leg to cancer. Therefore, look for Zach to tear it up like a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.

BILLY GUNN vs. JAIME NOBLE

This match is for Torrie’s Taco. If Jaime Noble wins, he finally gets to sleep with Torrie. Damn, if I was Jaime, I’d bring a gun to the ring and shoot Billy when the ref wasn’t looking and pin him for the win. It would be worth going to jail just so you could have one night with Torrie. I’m sure Noble will win somehow so we can get a few more weeks leading up to the sex act which of course will never happen. Somehow Torrie will outsmart Noble by having Billy disguise himself with a blonde wig. Unfortunately for Noble, he won’t discover it until after he is done. Billy will then go back to his gay ways.

US TITLE TOURNAMENT FINALS
Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit

It hurts me inside to see these two old friends fighting. Since they were forced into this match hopefully they will just be professionals and not take it personally. Benoit should win the belt but I hope both of them come out of the match with something far more important… friendship.

TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas vs. Rey Mysterio & Billy Kidman.

Poor Kidman, he is not even cool enough to have his own hot wife Torrie be his valet. Look for Team Not Angle to win since Kidman will turn heel. Next month two new challengers will be drawn out of a hat for the champs.

1ST-EVER ANNUAL APA BARROOM BRAWL
Superstars invited include APA, Sean O'Haire, Kanyon, Rhyno and Spanky.

With Bradshaw’s new hair style this must take place in a gay bar. Look for APA to win since I don't know what the hell this match is about.

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