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Chachi Picks No
Mercy. No Mercy, Indeed..
Porn, xxx movies and Britney Spears? Not!
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Well, its time for No Mercy. Hey, at least
the WWE is trying to warn us about some of these awful matches with the
title of the PPV.
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP
Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker
Who’s going to win? The guy that looks like Howdy Doody on steroids or a
dead mortician who rides motorcycles. Do you even need to ask? Howdy Doody
of course.
FATHER/DAUGHTER I QUIT MATCH
Stephanie McMahon vs. Mr. McMahon
Sorry this is not the first Father/Daughter “I quit” match. Many fathers
have been forced to say “I quit” after the cops have come and locked them
up for “wrestling” around with their daughters. I was already kind of
grossed out when Vince picked up Stephanie the other week and slammed her
with his hand all on her McClit. At least this creepy match is just in time
for Halloween. Look for Vince to win this match and then go on in two years
to wrestle Stephanie’s and HHH’s new born daughter.
U.S. CHAMPIONSHIP
Big Show vs. Eddie Guerrero
This match is the shit, literally. In the last couple of weeks, Smackdown
has taught us that Eddie is Hispanic so he likes tacos and Big Show is fat
so he likes tacos. Also, if you are fat and stupid, you will continue to
stand in the ring when a sewage truck pulls up. Then you will leave the
ring by walking right past the sewage truck and then “surprise surprise”,
you get sprayed with shit. I don’t know about you guys, but I would have
just left through the crowd. Look for Eddie to win.
John Cena vs. Kurt Angle
I think that Kurt Angle will barely pull out a win but will help elevate
Cena in this match. I could try to say something funny about these two
wrestlers but I respect them both too much. Instead, I will include some
lyrics from Vanilla Ice’s Ninja Rap song from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
2 Secret of the Ooze:
YO! It’s the green machine
Gonna rock the town without bein’ seen
Have you ever seen a turtle Get Down?
Slammin’ Jammin’ to the new swing sound
Yeah, everybody let’s move
Vanilla is here with the new Jack Groove
Gonna rock, and roll this place
With the power of the ninja turtle bass
Iceman, ya know I’m not playin’
Devistate the show while the turtles are sayin
~*Chorus*~:
Ninja, Ninja, RAP! Ninja, Ninja, RAP!
Ninja, Ninja, Rap!
GO GO GO
Go Ninja, Go Ninja, GO; Go Ninja, Go ninja, GO!
Go Ninja, Go Ninja. GO; Go Ninja, Go ninja, GO!
GO GO GO GO
CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
Rey Mysterio vs. Tajiri
The WWE doesn’t care about cruiserweights so I won’t either. I couldn’t
find a coin to flip to pick the winner so I decided to flip a dead midget.
If Tattoo from Fantasy Island lands face up, Mysterio will win. If he lands
ass up, Tajiri will win.
After the best two out of three flips I discovered that Mysterio will be
our winner. Thanks Tattoo.
Chris Benoit vs. A-Train
Poor, poor Benoit. I feel sorry for him. Wrestling A-Train, he must be
wishing for the good old days when he would wrestle in WCW while Kevin
Sullivan was the booker. I never really understood why everyone got on
Sullivan when he would book Benoit to lose after Benoit stole his wife,
Nancy Sullivan, in real life. I mean, the guy stole Sullivan’s wife. What
kind of F’d up stuff is that? You people out there at your McDonald’s jobs
try stealing your manager’s wife and see if that manager promotes you to
head fry guy after that. Hell no, you will be out front scrubbing down that
Grimace jungle gym everyday for the rest of your pimplely faced career.
Oh yeah, look for Benoit to win.
Email King Chachi |
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