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Oh, yes. I am getting older. I will be 28 on
November the 9th. Birthday's were once a great celebration. 16 you
got to drive. 17 you got to see some rated R movies. 18 you got
to vote and buy some wack magazines. 21 you got to buy Shirley Temple
Cocktail Drink's at your local bar.
After 21, however, you just get older.
It’s hard to figure out if you are making something of your life.
Therefore, I have decided to take a look at some celebrities who were also
born on November the 9th. Let's see how they stack up to me.
1882 - Bach – some old guy from a long time
ago who composed some songs. Big deal. I should know more about him but I’m
not that cultured. I think I have heard several of his songs in my elevator
at work. I’m sure he was ok but did Falco make a song about his life? I
think not.
1918 - Vice President Spiro Agnew – forced to
resign as Vice President for tax evasion. He could have been President if
he had stayed until Nixon resigned. Jackass. That’s like leaving an orgy
right before the cast of Baywatch gets there. God, I love David Hasselhoff.
1952 - Lou Ferrigno – the big, deaf guy who
painted himself green on the Incredible Hulk series. He shouldn’t be too
proud because he would grow 6 times his normal size and his pants would
still stay on. I guess next time he could just try those penis growth
pills.
1969 - Scarface – the rapper. He says some
rhymes and puts them to a beat.
1969 - Sandra 'Pepa' Denton – Ah, Push It!
Pepa is still my favorite condiment beating out Musta and Mayo.
1970 - Chris Jericho – the wrestler that
still goes by Y2J in the year 2003. That’s like calling yourself the King
of the 80’s in 2003. Oh wait…
1971 - Big Pun – Fat ass rapper who weighed
698 pounds at the time of his death. I heard he died when he got trapped
and suffocated in the state of Wyoming. Well, it is a small state.
1973 - Nick Lachey from 98 degrees – This son
of a bitch actually got to take Jessica Simpson’s virginity. The only
virginity I ever got to take involved a six pack of Zima and a llama. God,
I miss those school field trips to the zoo.
1974 - Joe C. – the little midget that was
Kid Rock’s right hand man. Sadly, Joe C died a couple years ago but at
least Kid Rock got Pamela Anderson as a consolation prize. Plus, she has
two midgets in her shirt.
1975 - Roxanne Galla - playboy model born on
same day and year as me. That makes her the 2nd most attractive person born
on this date.
1978 - Sisqo – his hit song made it mandatory
for all girls to now wear thongs. String up your ass? Ingenious!
The Birthday Boyzzzz
Damn, that is a strange list. We got a dead
midget, a dead obese rapper, a wrestler, several more rappers, someone who
has banged Jessica Simpson, a playboy model, a former Vice President and a
great composer. I would like to think that I have a part of all of them in
me. Maybe that is why it hurts to sit down.
Let us now look at the top songs on my
birthday each year to see if that will give me any answers about my life.
1975 ISLAND GIRL w Elton John
1976 ROCK 'N ME w Steve Miller Band
1977 YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE w Debby Boone
1978 YOU NEEDED ME w Anne Murray
1979 POP MUZIK w M
1980 WOMAN IN LOVE w Barbra Streisand
1981 PRIVATE EYES w Daryl Hall & John Oates
1982 UP WHERE WE BELONG w Joe Cocker & Jennifer Warnes
1983 ISLANDS IN THE STREAM w Kenny Rogers & Dolly Parton
1984 CARIBBEAN QUEEN w Billy Ocean
1985 MIAMI VICE THEME w Jan Hammer
1986 AMANDA w Boston
1987 I THINK WE'RE ALONE NOW w Tiffany
1988 KOKOMO w Beach Boys
1989 LISTEN TO YOUR HEART w Roxette
1990 ICE ICE BABY w Vanilla Ice
1991 CREAM w Prince & The N.P.G.
1992 END OF THE ROAD w Boyz II Men
1993 I'D DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE (BUT I WON'T DO THAT) w Meat Loaf
1994 I'LL MAKE LOVE TO YOU w Boyz II Men
1995 FANTASY w Mariah Carey
1996 NO DIGGITY w Blackstreet Featuring Dr. Dre
1997 CANDLE IN THE WIND 1997 w Elton John
1998 DOO WOP (THAT THING) w Lauryn Hill
1999 SMOOTH w Santana Featuring Rob Thomas
2000 COME ON OVER BABY (ALL I WANT IS YOU) w Christina Aguilera
2001 FAMILY AFFAIR w Mary J. Blige
2002 LOSE YOURSELF w Eminem
2003 BABY BOY w Beyonce Featuring Sean Paul
Hmm, the 70's were awful years but that's
ok, I was too young to know any better. The 80's, however, rocked.
Wow, you got the Miami Vice Theme song, Tiffany, Hall and Oates, and
Boston. That ain't bad. Most of the 90's sucked. How much Boyz II Men
do you really need if your name isn't Rooky? At least Vanilla Ice is
in there. The 00's seem better now with Eminem, X-Tina and Beyonce.
Well, these lists haven't really given me
any answers to my life. I will just continue being happy when I turn
28 knowing that I am not dead, obese, a midget or Rooky.
Email King Chachi |
