1. Poor holiday sales reports - Every year the malls are packed for weeks. Everyone is bumping into you and there is never anyplace to park. Yet, every year the media tells us that sales are down. WTF! How can sales be down? Do my eyes deceive me when I see 10,000 inbreed families at Wal-Mart?
2. Flintstone Christmas Special – All I want to know is how a family living millions of years BC (Before Christ) can celebrate Christmas. That Fred is a predicting mother fucker.
3. Politically Correct Products – It is funny to watch companies try to be politically correct at this time of year. They want to have Christmas products but do not want to piss off groups that do not celebrate Christmas. I saw a bag of M&M’s last week that proved my point. The bag had one of those M&M characters on the front with a Santa Clause hat. The M&M’s in the bag were red and green and instead of M’s they had Christmas trees, Santa Clause faces and also the words Ho, Ho, Ho. The label on the bag, however, said “Holiday” M&M’s. I want to know what other fucking holiday are they representing? Are the trees for Arbor Day or something? We all know its Christmas. They are red and green, have pictures of Santa Clause and the words “Ho, Ho, Ho”. Just admit they are Christmas M&M’s. You can come out with Chanukah M&M’s too with pictures of BTB Boys Rooky and Justin wrestling. Just don’t try to lie about your product.
4. Kid's sitting on Santa’s Lap – Yeah sure, son. Go sit on that fat stranger’s lap and whisper in his ear what you want.
5. Charlie Brown Christmas Special – This poor guy. He is only 6 years old and is already bald. Lucy is a whore and always calls poor Charlie Brown a blockhead. No wonder he is a blockhead. His teacher can’t even speak English. All she says is “Wha, Wha, Wha”. How can anyone learn in that environment? Also, can someone let Pigpen know that he smells like shit? Someone should call child services on his parents.

Spuds McKenzie always loved Christmas. 
Until that year he drunkenly plowed his
car into that group of Nuns.

6. People not being able to let go of the past - If you are ever cheap around this time of year or don’t want to celebrate the holiday, people will call you Scrooge or Grinch. That should be a compliment because at the end of the movie Scrooge became a wonderful person who keeps Christmas in his heart all year long while the Grinch’s heart grew 3 sizes bigger at the end of his cartoon. Can’t you people just forget about the past and just accept them for who they are now? Give them a fucking break.
7. Combined gifts - I always wondered if people ever tried to jip Jesus when he was growing up by giving him one present and saying it was for his birthday and for Christmas.
8. Too many holidays - it seems like everyone has their own holiday this time of year.  Christmas, Chanukah, Winter Solstice, Kwanzaa, National Scott Baio Day.  Can't we all just get along and just celebrate Festivus?
9. Shitty gifts - If my true love ever tried to give me some shitty gift like turtle doves, French hens or a partridge in a pear tree, she wouldn’t be my true love for long. I would dump that bird loving bitch and get myself a nice whore.
10. Mistletoe Belt Buckles – just kidding.  I think this would be great

Have a very 80's Christmas!

Email King Chachi