It is time once again for Wrestlemania. Think of all of the great matches from over the years.  Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant, Ricky the Dragon vs. The Macho Man, Hulk Hogan vs. The Ultimate Warrior.

Proof that Andre and Hulk Hogan
 loved each other in real life...as much
as two sweaty grown men in tights could.

But if you look back you can see that Wrestlemania was also the home to all of the great 80's stars.  Who could forget Mr. T tagging with Hulk Hogan?  Who could forget Cyndi Lauper standing in Wendi Richter's corner?  Who could forget Morton Downy Jr. blowing smoke in Roddy Pipers face?  Who could forget the Where's the Beef lady showing off her sexy legs?  Yes, those were great times.  But now it's time for Wrestlemania XX.  How will this year shape up?  Will we have any special guest appearance from 2004's hottest celebrities?  Could Paris Hilton be stopping by?  How about Janet Jackson's right breast?  We shall find out this Sunday.  Oh yeah, there will be some matches then too.

WWE Cruiserweight Title Match
Cruiserweight Open

Cruiserweight Open sounds like a Mexican Gay Bar to me. Everyone below 5 foot is invited to wrestle in this match. Expect to see Gary Coleman, Webster and Rooky in there at some point. I see no point in Chavo losing the belt so soon so look for him to win. Olé.

Evening Gown Match
Torrie Wilson & Sable vs. Stacy Keibler & Miss Jackie

This match reminds me a wet dream I once had where I was on the Love Boat and fell overboard into the ocean. What kinds of dream did you think I was talking about? I guess Torrie and Sable will keep their clothes on and win.  I think it is for the best since the WWE male population already has carpal tunnel syndrome of the wrist from their Playboy layout.

WWE Tag Team Titles Match
Scotty 2 Hotty & Rikishi vs. The Basham Brothers vs. The World's Greatest Tag Team vs. The APA

Remember when the WWE had some of the greatest tag teams ever? I LONG for the days of Chuck and Billy. Look for the WGTT to win since everyone else in the match is either a has-been or a never-was.

WWE Women's Title Match
Victoria vs. Molly Holly

This match is for Molly’s hair. If Molly loses, she is shaved bald. Now, usually I like my women bald (see article) but this would be a little too far north for my taste. Look for Molly to win the match but maybe not the belt.

World Tag Team Titles Match
Booker T & RVD vs. Jindrak & Cade vs. La Resistance vs. The Dudley Boyz OR Lance Storm & Val Venis

Didn’t I just pick the winners of a sucky tag team match? Oh, this one’s for RAW. I guess Book-R-VD will win this, not that I care.

Chris Jericho vs. Christian

Let’s just get it over with and put Trish on a pole so that everyone's a winner. Look for Y2J4 to win.

The Undertaker vs. Kane

If Katie Vick (God rest her soul) has taught us anything it is that Kane likes having sex with dead people. This should be something that the Dead Man needs to watch out for as he comes back from the grave. If he didn’t enjoy worms digging through him, how will he like Kane’s penis? There is no way, however, that Taker is losing this one. Look for his Wrestlemania streak to continue.

The Rock & Mick Foley vs. Randy Orton, Batista, & Ric Flair

Maybe it’s just me, but doesn’t the Rock and Sock connection sound like a good slogan for a condom company? “When I use the Rock and Sock Connection, I never have to worry about a Johnson infection”. It would sell millions. As for this match, look for The Rock and Foley to win so that the fans are happy.

WWE US Title Match
The Big Show vs. John Cena

Yo, dis should be uh very dope match. Dees two supersta’s will put forth great effort while fightin’ fo' dis here prestigious title. However, when all iz said an' done, I feel dat John Cena will be victorious. What 'chew think about that man?

WWE Title Match
Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle

Eddie is champ, Angle is again a heel. What more could you want? Look for Eddie to win but no Austin like celebrations after this victory.

Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg
Special Guest Ref: Steve Austin

Damn, and I always thought that Goldberg and Austin were the same person. I also always thought that Goldberg, Austin and BTB’s own Potty Mouth were the same person. Damn, all these bald, white guys look alike to me. Look for the guy with hair to win since Goldberg is leaving the WWE.

World Title Match
Triple H vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Benoit

Triple H is going to Hollywood to star in a live action remake of Pinocchio so he can’t hold the belt much longer. Look for HHH to drop it to his boy Shawn Michaels. (The belt…not his pants, that will be saved for the after-party). Benoit may get the belt one day but I don’t think today is the day.

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