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Britney is in love! Doesn’t it just warm your
heart when two white trash kids finally find each other in this crazy
world? But wait, how can Britney be white trash when she is a
multi-millionaire? Well, she may be a multimillionaire but she is also an
actress. She has learned how to act rich and sophisticated. Even though her
acting sucked in Crossroads, she has somehow managed to fool us all for
years. Now that deserves an Oscar.
To prove my point look no further than her current trashy fiancé, Kevin
Federline.
Damn, it was nice of him to put on his
Sunday's best for the
family portrait. A white wife beater and a black NY Yankees
cap is so 95. What, was the mall all out of FUBU? I have never seen a more unoriginal Yo-Boy since Bud Bundy
use to dress up as Grandmaster B.
They say that opposites attract but I think this trashy couple has more in common
than most people think.
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Britney is a multi-millionaire … Kevin
sometimes watches Cribs on MTV.
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Kevin has two illegitimate kids from that
girl from Moesha ... Britney has two twins under her shirt.
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Britney travels the world to sing and to show
off her smokin' dance moves … Kevin travels down to the local 7-11 to buy
some menthols to smoke.
You see, Kevin and Brit are actually made for
each other.
Oh, but how we all long for the good old days when she was with Justin
Timberlake. But I’m not crying a river for Justin because he has actually
moved on to that angel Cameron Diaz. Britney, however, has moved on
to the poor man's white version of Will Smith.
So will Britney's and Kevin's marriage last
till death do they part or will it be another Vegas quickie annulment for
Britney? Well, I, King Chachi, have traveled to the future in my trusty De
Loreon and have secretly recorded a conversation between the two future
newlyweds. Here is a transcript of what I recorded:
Britney: Kevin, I’m home. I just made a million dollars performing
in Japan and Europe.
Kevin: Yo, baby. I just found 54 cents in the couch this afternoon
while I was watching Jerry Springer.
Britney: Kevin, I’m sorry I had to fire you from being my backup
dancer but you kept wearing baggy jeans with no belt and you kept tripping
all over your pants and falling into the other dancers. Haven’t you found a
new job yet?
Kevin: Not yet, yo, but I did find out this week that I have four
more kids that I didn’t know about. These four new ones along with my other
two, we can create the new Jackson 5, it can be the Federline 5!
Britney: But Kevin, that’s 6.
Kevin: Damn, yo, you are right. Maybe if I find 4 more kids that I
didn’t know I had we can have the Federline 11.
Britney: But Kevin, oh, never mind.
Kevin: So what are you going to buy all my kids for Christmas since
I have no money, yo?
Britney: Kevin, can’t you see I am wearing this trendy red string
around my wrist? This means that I am now a member of the Jewish religion
Kaballah. I can no longer celebrate Christian holidays such as
Christmas. At least, I don’t think I can. Let me call up Madonna and ask
her.
Kevin: Damn yo, Brit, that red thing around your wrist is actually a
string from one of Madonna’s used tampons. She and Guy Ritchie had a bet
that you would never be dumb enough to wear it. I guess she owes Guy
Ritchie 20 bucks now.
Britney: I don’t know why I ever married you. I should have listened
to my friends and had the marriage annulled after 24 hours.
Kevin: Oh shit, I’m sorry baby. Here, let me put on my best yellow
tinted white tank top and you can take us all out to a fancy restaurant.
I'll go put the 11 baby car seats into the minivan. I
love you baby, yo.
Britney: I love you too Justin. I mean, Kevin.
Kevin: Yo?????
Email King Chachi |
