George Michaels in a Santa outfit
may be enough to convert BTB's own
Rooky to Christianity

It is almost Christmas time again!  Last year I wrote my Top 10 Holiday List of Hate. This year, I want to put aside my anger and actually help you, my loyal reader, with your Christmas shopping.  Although there are many popular toys and electronics this year, I wanted to let you know what NOT to give your family, friends or significant other. 

Please do not give:

1. Herpes – although it is the gift that keeps on giving.
2. Paris Hilton’s old, worn out Beaver – This beaver has been smacked around, stuffed and beat up by so many people it is starting to fall apart.

3. Singing lessons from Ashley Simpson
4. An internship as a gynecologist for Bea Arthur
5. A staring role on an episode of MTV’s new reality show "Pimp My Colon"
6. A "One Night in Chyna" Sex Tape – This is an actual sex tape with wrestler X-Pac screwing Chyna, or is it the other way around?

7. Mary Kate Olson’s purge after binging
8. A Playboy Magazine from 1973 – I hated the hairy 70's.  If you open this magazine and look at it from five feet away, it is hard to tell if you are looking at an all natural woman's lower half or a pic of Abe Lincoln.
9. A trip to the back room of Mr. Horton’s Bike shop – This is the room where Arnold Jackson and Dudley played Tarzan and almost got molested.  That's a totally diff'rent stroke. 

10. A lap dance by American Idol Ruben
11. Theo’s Gordon Gartrell shirt (actually, this is kind of cool, give it to me)
12. WWE House Show Tickets
13. Kris Kross Greatest “Hit” tape - It really is greatest “hit” since the tape just has the song “Jump” 14 times.
14. Fishnet condoms
15. An old can of Crystal Clear Pepsi – I hated how Crystal Clear Pepsi tasted but it was kind of cool because it was a clear soda in a glass bottle. Then they released it in a can. Guess what Pepsi geniuses, you can’t tell that the cola is clear when it is in a fucking aluminum can!
16. shit
17. A Lil’ John Hearin’ Aid – What? What? Yeah? Okaaay! Okaaay!
18. Britney Spears’ life – you may be walking by a dumpster between now and Christmas and just happen to see Britney Spears’ life inside. Now, just because she threw her life away by marrying a broke, yo-boy-dirtball doesn’t mean that you should take it out of the garbage to give it to someone else. Please just keep walking.
19. Prison rape
20. An opportunity to spend the day with Rick James (RIP)
21. A naked picture of your Mamma.
22. Sex with a whore who just had sex with Tommy Lee
23. An all expense paid trip to Baltimore City
24. A Tickle Me R. Kelly doll
25. The “Magic Johnson and I” Blood Brothers home kit (with actual Magic blood)

Please send all holiday money to me below to make me less angry!

Have a very 80's Christmas.

Email King Chachi