Since this is my court, it is going to be my rules.  I will show the evidence to you, the public and then I will make a verdict based upon how I feel.  This is going to be the trial of the century. First up:

Exhibit A:

Here is a picture of Britney from her first album in 1999.  Ah, 1999. It was a much simpler time. We didn’t have to worry about terrorist attacks. We didn’t have to worry about Tsunami’s. We even didn’t have to worry about MTV pimping talentless scammers like Ashlee Simpson. It was definitely a simpler time.

Look at Britney. She was sweet and innocent.  All of us dreamt about one day making sweet love to Britney, admit it.  We would even take matters into our own hands whenever her sexy videos would come on.  But alas, we knew that she was WAY out of our league. 

But now it is time for our main piece of evidence:

Exhibit B:

Oh my god, there is the picture! Look at it. LOOK AT IT!  Let this picture sink in.  This is Britney Spears 2005.  How did it ever come to this?  Why has god forsaken us?  Let's take a closer look.  Now this is not for the weak at heart.  What you are about to see may forever shock and frighten you.  You may not be able to eat again for months.  Look what happened after I showed Ashley Olsen these pics.  So please take a look at:

Exhibit C:

Oh my god, I feel sick.  When did Britney Spears turn into Eric Stoltz from the 1985 movie Mask?  Sweet mother of god.  It looks like she got beat with the ugly stick.  No, it looks more like she fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Exhibit D:

Oh, my god, I've seen less rolls at a bakery.  Pretty soon they are going to stick out further than her once perky breasts.

Exhibit E:

Now only the truly white trash can hold a cigarette and alcoholic drink in the same hand.  If only she had a Jeff Gordon NASCAR Collectors Plate in that same hand could she truly hit the glorious Trifecta of White Trashdom.

It is so sad that in only 6 short years we have come to this.  She was once out of our league but now looks like the kind of girl you would see down at your local bowling league.  I am now thinking that any of us could get her.  But once you see the picture below, I don’t think you will want her.

Exhibit F:

Now, I hate gas station restrooms. There is nothing more filthy and sick in all the world.  I will usually put on a full body condom before even entering the place.  But not Britney, she actually walks into the shit and piss infested place with bare feet.  Not once, but on multiple times.

So who could be making Britney fall apart like this? Who could have turned this once sweet pop princess into this ugly wicket witch?

I’ll give you a clue: “Yo!”

I’ll give you some more clues: “YO, YO, YO, YO, YO!”

Exhibit G-Money:

That’s right, its her yo-boy, white trash husband, Kevin Federline.  He grew up on the mean streets of Fresno County, California.  Look at the picture above.  Only a true yo-boy could hold his "Shorty" in the rain with one hand while still keeping his other hand on his nuts.  That takes skilz. 

Exhibizzle H:

This is the most damning piece of evidence.  Look at Kevin walking down the dirty street with his biiiiiiiiiz-are feet.  Bare Feet on the street!  He is also starting to gain weight like Britney.  Kevin has lost his dancers body that he once so proudly displayed in the Oscar Award Winning epic You Got Served. 

The Verdict:

It seems like married life has not been kind to Britney and Kevin.  Usually after years and years married couples begin to look like and act like each other.  But in only a few months Britney and Kevin are now both dirty, fat, white trash, barefoot skanks. 

Therefore, I find both Britney and Kevin guilty of robbing us of our once sweet teen idol.  

Sentencing for Kevin:

I sentence Kevin to a lifetime of money but also to a fat, ugly wife.  Money can buy happiness but I guess it can't buy your wife shoes or a treadmill. 

Sentencing for Britney:

I sentence Britney Spears to death...the death of her career.  Britney, I hope that you will enjoy being on the Surreal Life 7, baby.  I know I'll be watching and laughing.

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